Why can’t most of the women I know ever really
relax. I mean really, what is it? Is it some outdated Puritan value that our
New England ancestors, for whom idleness was one of the greatest sins, passed
down to us? Is it our need, as women, to feel that we must constantly prove we
can do it all, have it all? Many of the men I know are happy to spend a
Saturday afternoon watching movies or football. I am incapable of doing that.
The only way I can sit on the couch an entire day is if I am burning up with
fever.
I think I came by my busyness as a result of
raising so many children. There was a time when rest was not an option; there
was always another meal to be made, another load of laundry to be done, a nose
to wipe, a knee to mend. It simply never ended and that was okay! Once the kids
got older and I found myself with some time on my hands, I filled it with all
the activities I wasn’t able to do when they were little. I volunteered for all
sorts of things. I went back to school. I don’t regret any of that. I have
accomplished some great stuff, learned lots of new things and made some
wonderful friends. I would have never done all that if I’d been home on the
couch. Yet, I have to admit. Sometimes I go overboard. So, I try to remind
myself that relaxing is accomplishing something, that it is vital to my health
and my success in all the other areas of my life.
I had a master plan on Saturday. I decided I
was going to have a no pressure day. I was not going to work from home. I was
not going to do homework. I was going to stay in my pajamas all day. I was
going to chill out for once. I was going to relax, and enjoy the peace and
quiet.
So how did I do? Well you be the judge. I did
end up spending the day in a pair of yoga pants and an old t-shirt. That was a
start. I spent some time actually doing yoga, and that was great as I haven’t
made a lot of time lately to actually take care of myself. However, the fact
that the first half of my day of “doing nothing” also resulted in three loads
of clean laundry and two freshly washed floors told me I was somehow on the
wrong track. So I made some tea, grabbed a book and hit the couch. I ended up
spending the entire rest of the day and good portion of the night with that
book. Now you would think this was success wouldn’t you. After all, I really
loved the book. What I haven’t told you is that this is a book I specifically
picked to do a book review on for an English class. So, while I enjoyed this
time, and did actually sit still for awhile, in the end I still accomplished
something I needed to do. I call this a success. Some of you may
disagree.
Maybe some of us are just wired differently.
Maybe I know that life is short and I am trying to squeeze every bit of
adventure out of it while I can! There is nothing wrong with being
motivated! The problem is when we take it to its extreme, when we are unable to
strike a balance. A day full of accomplishments and hard work is a wonderful
thing but I have to make sure that it is meaningful work and not just busy
work. Am I cleaning, yet again, because I am trying to avoid the thoughts and
feelings I don’t want to deal with? (This would explain why the more unhappy my
marriage became, the more beautiful the house was). Am I still taking time to
take care of myself? If I am so busy that I don’t find time to enjoy a quiet
walk, to exercise, or to eat right, than I am way off target, aren’t I?
Sometimes we just have to be willing to let go
of the picture we have in our head of what we thought our lives were supposed
to be. If I can give up the fantasy of the perfect house and the perfect
relationships, I can ease up on myself a little. I can ease up on those around
me. I can learn to enjoy the life that is right in front of me. I don’t have to
live up to anyone else’s standards. I don’t have to try to “have it all”
because what I do have is more than enough! I don’t have to go dust that
shelf across the room where the sun is coming in right now and I can see the .
. . oh who am I kidding. I’m going to go dust that shelf but it’s okay. After
all, I’m still a work in progress!
This piece first appeared in the Bangor Daily News, Postcards from a Work in Progress, February 13, 2012.
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