I’ve thought a lot about Memorial Day today. It’s quiet here, in my empty nest, so I’ve had time to think about it. All last week I looked forward to the extra day off without really pondering its significance. As a child, Memorial Day was the start to the summer season in the coastal community I lived in. It marked the beginning of days at the beach, summer jobs and time with friends. I knew what the holiday was really about. I had pictures of grandfathers and uncles in uniform but their service hadn’t affected me, hadn’t even occurred in my lifetime. I didn't know anyone who had actually died in war. For me, it just wasn’t relevant.
Briefly, when my son was born, almost 27 years ago now, I contemplated the idea of war again. However, the thoughts of such a future were too horrible to attach to this beautiful male child so new and innocent. I quickly put it out of my mind. Until that is, the day my son joined the Air Force. In the five years that he served active duty, including the year he patrolled the streets of Baghdad; war was always on my mind. Would the worst possible thing happen? Every day, every news story, every flight of soldiers that took off from our local airport, every flag draped coffin that came back to the United States, they all became personal to me. But the worst didn’t happen, my son walked off the plane into the waiting arms of his family. We were one of the fortunate families.
Yet, the story hasn’t ended there for so many of our returning veterans. The struggle goes on. They have come home to record unemployment. They have come home to lack of immediate and proper healthcare. Some have physical injuries that will forever change their lives. Some have deeper more invisible injuries that make adjusting to “normal” life again almost impossible. Even those with spouses and partners, parents, siblings and friends, often find themselves feeling alone, misunderstood and frustrated with adjusting to civilian life. These are men and women who, while they did not pay the ultimate sacrifice, did sacrifice part of themselves for what they truly believed to be a noble cause. These are men and women who believed one president who said they were defending democracy and then believed another president who thought he could bring all of their fellow soldiers home.
They've been disappointed by both. For them and their families, for me and my family, it is so much more than just a day off.
We have now lost more of our young men and women in the military to suicide than we’ve lost in actual combat. Many more are homeless and jobless. What are we doing this Memorial Day? How are we celebrating? Maybe the best way for us to honor those fallen soldiers would be to take care of those who came home. Is it too much to ask, that these brave young men and women, come home to healthcare, housing, jobs and understanding? For me, that would be a better way to honor our heroes, a better way to remember them than a parade, a barbeque and a beer . . . . Sorry to be a downer this holiday weekend, but for me, and many other moms like me, it’s personal.
This piece was originally published on the Bangor Daily News website, May 30, 2011.
Sources: http://archive.armytimes.com/article/20100422/NEWS/4220330/18-veterans-commit-suicide-each-day
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